Nursery Nightmares

Its a scary time of day. You know that time when it’s broad daylight, the beginning of a beautiful Springtime morning…. when we’re all starting our day? Yes – 8.45am is fright time…….. For my boys it is anyway.

It’s the time my twins start nursery.

This week has been their first week back after the Easter holidays and to say it hasn’t gone smoothly would be an understatement! They started back on Wednesday and every morning they have cried when going in. In fact, one of my twins wouldn’t even get out of the car on all three days, I had to drag him out kicking and screaming.

It upsets me immensely and I feel cruel. I want to take them home. Why am I doing this to them? Forcing them into a situation that causes them such distress and then, this is the really cruel part, LEAVING them there; allowing the teachers to snatch them off me while I just walk away listening to their cries of ‘Mummy’,’I want my Mummy’. Hearing them banging on the door to escape….

Yes, this sounds like the stuff of nightmares alright.

My twins are so young (August born), premature and very clingy. They just want to be with ME. They aren’t great socialisers and they’re painfully shy. It’s always been the same, I guess being twins and having two other siblings they don’t feel the need to socialise, they have all they want and need at home. Shyness too is often overlooked as something ‘silly’ and comments such as ‘they’ll grow out of it’ I hear all the time. I don’t think people truly understand how debilitating it can be. Yes they probably will grow out of it but it’s not silly, it’s very real and right now it’s something that is causing them to suffer. I can feel them cringing sometimes when people talk to them; I think they would prefer to be invisible and just slot in quietly. But at nursery they can’t do that and teachers will insist on making a fuss! I know how my boys feel and it hurts me.

On the plus side, they are usually smiling when I collect them and they like to talk to me about what they’ve done so at least that’s something, even if the next morning it starts all over again. Last term was a similar situation. We had bad days and not so bad days. Never great days. Maybe this week was particularly difficult because of the Easter holidays and being used to staying at home, but there’s no doubt this separation for us is challenging. With some constant reassurance though from us, hopefully they will finally settle – and they do need to as they are due to start Reception in September. I’m extremely worried about that too but that’s a whole other blog!

Ultimately, facing their own little nightmares is sadly the only way they will conquer them. Or so we’re led to believe….. so we shall battle on.

I will update next week!

Comments

  1. Oh poor you, it is so hard for mummies at times isn’t it? And you are quite right in what you say about children who are painfully shy. My nephew was, and I used to see that cringing and shrinking away whenever I spoke to him. He’s 10 now, though, and seems to have grown out of it. Not that that helps you in the ‘now’.
    To my mind you are doing the ‘right thing’ by them, preparing them for school. I’m sure that their tears soon dry when you drop them off – but maybe not quite so for mummy.
    A lovely, honest post. So glad you’ve taken the leap into blogging. Good for you and I look forward to reading more…. xx

    • Mummy Endeavours says

      Ah thanks so much for leaving a comment, this whole nursery and school thing is really getting to me. Maybe I should try and toughen up a bit myself but I feel for them being so little. We talked to them all weekend, reassured them, so hopefully it has helped as this morning was much better…. might be a fluke though – I’ll keep you posted xxxx

  2. Getting them ready for school is probably the best reason to keep going with the nursery. Reading this has reminded me of leaving my youngest at nursery when he was being picked on (physically) by another child. He would try not to cry because I was firm with him, but then his chin would wobble as I walked away. It was agonising for me and him. I totally sympathise ๐Ÿ™ I do hope you get them past it soon, and yes, you should comfort yourself with the fact that they appear to have fun once you’ve left

    • Mummy Endeavours says

      Thank you for your comment, I’m so sorry your little boy was picked on..I hope it was all sorted out quickly. They forget easily at this age which is a blessing. I think it’s because mine are young that I’m getting so stressed. Hopefully will get easier x

  3. It really is one of the hardest feelings in the world, leaving your little ones – especially when they cry and cling to you. Having Grace go to nursery before she started school was one of the best things ever because days there were so much longer and it was less of a shock to her system when she started Reception. She has found Year 1 harder because that’s where the real learning (and less play!) is and as a result we have had a few tears and clinging moments – especially after Christmas. When she went back after Easter, she was absolutely fine :). It is hard but with perseverance and time, you’ll all get there. Your boys are really cute. Thank you so much for linking up to PoCoLo and welcome on board xxx

    • Mummy Endeavours says

      Thanks Victoria. Yes it’s so hard for some children. Others are more than ready but when your child isn’t you feel so guilty, especially if you’re just going home and they don’t NEED to be there. It’s hard being a parent, as we all know!!! I’ve enjoyed linking with PoCoLo….feel part of the community now ๐Ÿ™‚ xxx

  4. Hiya,I agree with Actually Mummy,being at nursery does help a child to settle into school.I do know what you are going through…I have worked in a nursery for 23 years now and seen many a crying child and also I myself had a crying child and boy was that tough,I know how hard it is to walk away and leave them calling out mummy,it ripped me to pieces even though I dealt with children every day.
    In my experience I can honestly say that consistency plays a huge part here and taking them day in and day out for a good term tends to get the children really settled.Try to drop them off in a loving but very matter of fact way,hand on heart I do not think lingering goodbyes help…if they are going to cry they will cry,a lingering goodbye only delays the inevitable. After a couple of weeks or so if they are still not settled then you could always revise the situation with their keyworker.Good luck,not easy being a mum sometimes is it! X
    #pocolo

    • Mummy Endeavours says

      Hi there thanks for leaving your comment. I agree totally with what you say…. in January when they started I used to stay with them thinking it was better than them being scared, worried or crying. I soon realised this wasn’t making things better as they expected me to stay all morning….or they knew I was going to go at some point so they would be glued to me in the nursery!! Then I thought taking them in some mornings, not all (because they were tired) would be better but again didn’t help. Taking them in every day and the routine you speak of is 100% more beneficial. I will keep trying xx

  5. I’m dreading the day my little man will have to start the nursery, which is quickly approaching, as he’ll turn 3 in July. He’s also quite clingy, and though I think he’ll enjoy being among the kids of his age, he’ll be scared at first as well. And I’ll be an emotional wreck, I bet.

    • Mummy Endeavours says

      Aww thanks for your comment…bless you – It really does feel cruel. Summer babies are so much younger than their older peers in their year group – mentally and socially so they do as a rule find things harder. But not necessarily.Does your nursery have January intakes? Mine didn’t but they did let me defer for a term as they were still potty training that Summer!! You could always ask for that if you think you’re little one isn’t quite ready. Those few months can make all the difference. He may surprise you though and love it ๐Ÿ™‚ xxx

  6. Awww bless them, why is it that sometimes nurseries and such make more of a thing about their need to slot in quietly ?? I do hope next week is better for you x

    • Mummy Endeavours says

      Thank you…. yes This week has been better thanks, tried to reassure them all over the weekend last week and got them more excited for Monday etc which helped. The nursery and school also had a visit from a local farm this week…different animals, big and small to look at and touch, so I think that really helped too!! Hope it wasn’t a flukey week and it continues to get better. xxx

  7. I used to hate leaving big man at nursery to go to work. It doesn’t seem to have hurt him tho- infact he can’t remember it. Hope yours stop the tears soon. at least they are happy when you collect them x

    • Mummy Endeavours says

      Hi there thanks for your comment…I guess we do worry that it was have a negative impact on them but like you say they won’t remember this, hopefully!! And yes if they’re happy when I collect then they’ve obviously had an ok time. They are getting a little paranoid though (kind of, if that’s possible at this age), as if they know or have been told that crying is wrong because some mornings last week they said ‘I’m not going to cry today Mummy’….bless them…Glad your boy is happy now. That’s all we want isn’t it? xxxx

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