No More Babies

baby boy

I’m broody.

But I’m also pretty certain I don’t want any more babies. I’ve had four and as my last ones (my twins) are now 5 and my eldest 15, I think it would be madness to go back to having another baby in the house. I’m also not getting any younger!

But still, I miss having a baby around.

I like being pregnant. It’s such a special, magical time and the thought of never doing it again makes me sad. Right now, if I see a baby bump on someone I immediately wonder if it’s something I could do again….. For a moment I get carried away in the thought process and I picture myself with a cute little bump, I love that feeling of a baby moving inside and feeling the little feet kicking as I stroke my tummy. Then the thoughts move on to a tiny newborn, a cuddly, chubby, bouncing six month old, a gorgeous little one year old… but then I picture it going to school and it brings me back down to earth with a, well, a bump!!

I couldn’t, for all the money in the world, do the school run again!

I’ve already been frequenting my kids school for the past 12 years and my twins are only in year 1, which means I have another 6 years of trudging back and forth to the place every single day of my life!! Don’t get me wrong, it’s a lovely school, the best, but to start all over again there…. NO WAY!

I also wonder (and this shouldn’t bother me as it’s my choice) what other people would say! I know for a fact that the majority of people would think I’m mad, especially family members. Some would be annoyed I’m sure! Most would be concerned for me though as I already have enough on my plate, and some days I can barely manage my life as it is at the moment, never mind throwing another baby into the mix! Others might think I was just being plain greedy, why on earth would I want any more when I have four already? And I have to agree with this to a certain extent.

I have four beautiful, healthy children and I feel very blessed. I shouldn’t push my luck. If something went wrong with another pregnancy now, and it would be higher risk with me being older, the whole family would suffer and it wouldn’t be fair on the other children. I’ve also got to a point with the twins now where we can pretty much go anywhere we want. No need to worry about prams or whether they’d get too tired, we can do things all together at last. Having babies around meant I couldn’t do certain things with the older two at the drop of a hat, and that’s still the case for particular activities but usually now, if I have to, I can take the twins along and it’s not a problem. My children need me, I’m already spreading myself thinly so in that respect it would almost feel selfish.

But on another level, my children would love it! My daughter would be in her element! And after having two babies at the same time, struggling with all that that entails, I sometimes think having just one baby now would be a walk in the park!! Apologies to anyone struggling with one baby, and I know that babies ARE hard work, but NOTHING scares me after having to cope with two at once, as well as running around after two older children with practically no help whatsoever!!  Hell, I could probably do it with my eyes shut and one arm tied behind my back!! Ha!

Knowing my luck though, I’d end up with the most difficult baby ever!! Or quads or something…. Could you imagine?!

Joking aside though, I miss my twins now they’re at school full time and it feels like all my children are growing up. My son is in his last year at school, doing his GCSE’s and my daughter is in year 5 which means next year we will be looking at high schools for her. I can’t get my head around this.

My young twins are starting to be proper little boys now instead of babies and I don’t like it! I want my babies back!!!!! Maybe having twins has made this feeling of loss worse, having two babies around for so long with double the amount of baby / little child loveliness to dote upon has spoiled me. I don’t know.

I think I just have to accept that this is all part of life and even if I did have another baby, that too would one day be growing up and what then? Keep having more babies?!

I need to draw the line somewhere and admit to myself that I’m done.

But it’s hard.

It’s the closing of a huge chapter in my life that has spanned fifteen years, from when my eldest was born, to when my youngest have gone to school.

It’s a big deal.

Scary, in fact. And even though I know in my heart I won’t have another, I feel as though I’m not fully ready to draw that line.

Mama and More

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Comments

  1. Jane Leming says:

    I can identify with this. I have 5 year old twins and a nearly 14 year old. My twins have been asking recently when we are having the ‘next baby’ and I’ve tried, in a variety of ways, to explain that we aren’t going to add to our family. This has been interpreted as: “mummy, some people don’t like children” – you and daddy as you don’t want another one (or horror of horrors another 2). But there is a teeny, tiny ache to hold another small bundle of joy. Resigning myself to waiting for my grown up nieces to start families, or a very long wait until mine are old enough and mature enough to have their own.

    • Mummy Endeavours says:

      Yes exactly! It’s the realisation and acceptance that it’s all over, that’s difficult. My sister in law is pregnant and I’m excited about that, but god, not ready to be a granny yet haha, although it would be very sweet (when the time is right!!) x

  2. I haven’t got any children and there are days I want them and then days when I definitely do not x

  3. I don’t think you’re alone, at all. My son still asks constantly for a younger sibling and I know he’d be a great older brother. But he’s not going to be…

  4. cassfrugalfamily says:

    I’d love another baby but I know that it wouldn’t be right for us as a family. It does make me sad though x x

  5. I totally get where you’re coming from with this! I only ever wanted three kids and I was fine with this until my daughter’s 1st birthday (she’s now 8) – then I found I wanted more. I also knew my husband had said any more babies and he would walk (I think he was only half joking!). Although the urge has gone away a little bit now, it’s still there at the back of my mind and I know I will always regret it. But if I had four, would I want five? I agree with all your points about spreading yourself too thinly and the risks of having babies so much later in life. Imagine if anything happened to me and I wasn’t there for my kids? I’ve accepted there’s only ever going to be three of them. Three is plenty!

  6. Such a difficult decision isn’t it, one where heart and head don’t always agree. Sadly, the choice was taken away from me after my third. Three sections has left my womb badly scarred and weak, another pregnancy would have been very high risk. It was very hard being told I couldn’t, rather than deciding I didn’t want to, if that makes sense. But, having said that, now that the wee girl is two, I actually couldn’t imagine going back to the baby days, and as she is such a handful, the thought of another baby fills me with dread :) Three is perfect for us x #allaboutyou

  7. Baby is an only child and will always be, it does make me a little but sad, but I think our positive lit outweighs our negative one :) I hope you can feel more comfortable with your decision x

  8. I totally understand this, my eldest is 17 and my youngest 13 but about 4 years ago I suddenly felt just like you and was yearning for another one…..Unfortunately it wasn’t to be and I had to come to the realisation that my “shop was shut” for good. I think these days I still have my broody moments but am just content with the 2 little people I have………I’m just waiting for grandchildren now…….Not just yet………..But in the future xxxx

  9. What a lovely, honest post. I can imagine with having 4 that the thought of another baby would be hard! I really miss my bump and pregnancy just now so am with you on that one. You’re right, it is a special time :) I’m dreading all the school stuff already and my daughter is only 5 months old haha #sharewithme

  10. When two of my friends and I had all had our second children I remember one of them saying she knew she was done at two; she could happily cuddle newborns and be glad to hand them back, and I knew with the same certainty that I wasn’t (hence baby Pip). I’ve always thought I’d know when I was done but recently I’m beginning to wonder whether I’ll ever have that feeling; it’s going to be a hard decision to have to make, however old the other children are I think.

  11. I know what you ran! I’d love another but after 3 c-sections the docs dont think it’s a good idea and I’m clocking on a bit now too! It’s sad to accept it though.

  12. My youngest is 5 also and I have broody moment too but at the moment I am happy with how my life is moving forwards and I’m wouldn’t want to go back to the baby days although I do love babies I did find it really hard work. I guess the feelings are all the fault mothernature though to keep the human race procreating! x

  13. I’m expecting number four, and we’ve said this is our last… but it’s hard to say that and mean it 100% ;P)

  14. I decided I wanted two and was very firm on that decision. I know many of friends would keep having more. It must be difficult having those thoughts and feelings going round your head.

  15. Hello!

    I only have one baby (Gwenn, 17 months) and even at this early stage I look at how she is growing and think “I wish she were a newborn again, just for one day”. I definitely want another but I’m not sure we can afford the childcare. We pay one day a week for Gwenn (or at least we will be as of next Friday) and that’s about all the money we can spare. I’d have to stop working altogether I think; not sure how we’d manage.

    I’m sure you will make peace with whatever decision you make. Enjoy them all!!

    x

    #AllAboutYou

  16. It is very difficult and as you get older that biological clock starts ticking even louder. We have our two and although I would love another I think that two is just right for us!

  17. normaleverydaylifeblog says:

    I can relate to this post. We have five children and our last two were twins. I know that I couldn’t handle any more children and don’t really want to try, but I don’t think I’ll ever get over wanting the baby stage. It’s just such a special time. It’s comforting to hear others say that, too! #sharewithme

  18. It is such a big decision to make but I knew we couldn’t have anymore after my little man, number 3. Don’t make a definitive decision till you feel ready

  19. It’s such a difficult decision knowing when to stop isn’t it. I loved being pregnant, giving birth and the baby stage and if space were not an issue I think I could carry on having lots of children but the practical side always steps in! I personally wouldn’t worry what anyone else thinks, it’s your life, your body, your decision!

  20. I could so do with another one. J would love a little baby brother or sister.

  21. I knew when I had my third baby that I my family was complete, and couldn’t now imagine returning to the world of nappies, colic and weaning, not to mention the extended school run. Good luck with your decision. If it helps, I’ve heard of mums who felt the same as you retraining to work as childminders/ in nurseries – you still get to care for a baby/ toddler by day, but without the full-time responsibility.

  22. I only have one son and having him so wrapped up with school and his friends and his big boy activities has made me miss those baby years and crave for another baby. I think we really should apreciate the moments and every day we have with our children.

  23. I really do understand how you feel. After each baby I have known I always wanted one more. This pregnancy though has been tough and there are issues with the baby that nobody could have predicted, so having another after this would not be advised in any way. But that doesn’t change how you feel inside. Some of us always have that instinct I think x x x

  24. I am desperate for another baby and know I am meant to have two, but age and health are against me. Only having one, I do want two, without the concerns that you have. I understand your hankering for the bump and the newborn as that is 100% how I feel. Hopefully we will be blessed.

    It was lovely to read your thoughts on it though, and hear how hectic raising twin boys is.

    I feel too like I have lost my baby boy as he has started reception this September.

    Great post,
    Liska xx

  25. I could have written this. I know exactly where you are coming from. I have a 16 yo, a 2 yo and a 4 month old baby. As I know it’s my last I’m already missing the baby she is now, it’s so weird. I’m sure you could do it again, you’ve had twins after all! Another would be a doddle ;)

  26. I would absolutely love to be pregnant again. I can’t express how much I love feeling that little body moving inside me but I absolutely knew after my third that we were complete as a family. My youngest is now 7 and every now and then I get broody but then I think of starting over and it goes as fast as it started! Ella will be walking with her sister to school next year which will be the end of the school runs for me and I can’t wait!

  27. This is me at the moment 100% I am soooo broody and I also know I won’t be having anymore children. It’s hard when you past those babies days and there isn’t the little cooing and baby smells and mini soft toys and nursery to enjoy. I love everything about little ones and as my two are getting older I am so emotional about closing that chapter of my life too! Great post. I am sure a lot of us parents feel this way too! Thanks for linking up to Share With Me #sharewithme

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