The last photo of my Girl in her Primary school uniform (sob)
I knew I’d be like this. I’m such an emotional wreck when it comes to things like this!
This year I had two emotional ‘Leavers Assemblys’ to attend.
My twins finished Year 2, which means they’ll be moving on to the Junior school. It’s separate to the Infants so it feels like a big deal. And it is. It means my boys are growing up.
I cried the whole way through their assembly. Yes, because of all the feelings that stir with the realisation that this is the end of their time at the Infants, but for me, also, it was because my shy twins stood right at the front and sang their little hearts out!
In any kind of sharing assembly they’ve done in the past, they’ve hidden. They’ve been so shy that they would literally go to pieces and crumble before my eyes…. they’d curl up and cringe and want to be invisible. It was always painful to watch. They hate any sort of attention. To them, they would’ve felt as though every parent was looking at THEM. No matter what I said, or how their teacher’s tried to help, nothing worked.
So to see them standing there with their fellow Year 2 peers, singing away, my heart was puffing out and bursting with pride! It was amazing. That in itself signified a massive milestone for my tiny boys.
The ‘Leaver’s Song’ is incredibly heart wrenching, describing how they are moving on and loving the friendships they’ve formed…. how they’re proud of things they’ve learned and about the new path they’re about to take in the world. I can’t understand how anyone would fail to be moved to tears by it!
My daughter sang it too.
She’s in Year 6 and it was even more poignant for her as she’s leaving the school for good.
The school where she’s been incredibly happy and made some lovely friends. She doesn’t remember a time when she didn’t go to that school. It’s been somewhere she went every day for seven years!
My Girl’s very first day at school in Reception.. aged 4!
I knew I would find it difficult but I haven’t been prepared for how hard it would hit me once she had left.
The last few weeks of term were crazy manically busy, accumulating in the Year 6 Leaver’s Party!
But first on Friday we had the Leaver’s assembly. It was very emotional. We were taken on a journey of their time at the school. Lots of photo’s lit up on the big screen in the hall from the projector. Stories were told and quite early on, some of the girls were in tears. One of my daughter’s friends stood up to sing a song but she couldn’t get the words out.
This set me off.
Within moments, my daughter was crying and it was all I could do to stop myself running to the stage to comfort her. There were a few songs, then the Leaver’s song again.
I sat there looking at her through tears in my eyes. The words cutting through me like a knife.
I didn’t want this to be it. I didn’t want this to be the last time she would be at her school or sit there with those children. I didn’t want this to be the last time she would ever wear that uniform and look this young. I wanted it all to stop, for time to go back so she could stay here a bit longer.
The girls all clung to each other afterwards. It was so so sad.
But the day ahead for them was a busy one. They had all the fun shirt signing to do before heading off on the traditional London bus ride around our local town, then finally ending up at their Leaver’s Disco organised by us parents! Their families were invited down for a BBQ later where we stayed until around 10pm when it finished.
My daughter and some friends from Year 6 enjoying their party.
It was a great evening. The kids had so much fun and it was lovely for us Mum’s to have this last evening all together. Many of the kids are going to different high schools so it was the end of an era for us too and we all got a bit emotional.
My daughter was tearful in the car on the way home bless her. But they have all vowed to stay in touch and I guess it will be much easier than it used to be, with everyone having smart phones. They already have lots of Whatsapp groups that they’re all in so really they will still feel close!
For me though, it really hit me the next day.
The full on craziness of the past few weeks had given way to an eerie, empty feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I picked up her uniform and stared at it for a while. She would never wear it again. Ever.
I glanced over at her sitting on the sofa, absorbed in her phone. My baby girl. No longer at our beloved primary school.
It seemed so final.
Everything is about to change. So much more than she could ever realise.
I’ve got a 17 yr old so I know only too well how much she will change in the next year. High school does that do a child and I’m not ready to go through that with her just yet.
I don’t want to.
I want to keep her like this for a little bit longer please if I may?
She is on the cusp of growing into a young lady but right now she is still so young in her mind, still so childlike and so much fun. She still loves cuddles and to play with her little twin brothers…. In another year that might not be the case.
We spent a lazy day together. I watched her play in the garden… she’s grown so much recently. Not so little anymore.
When I tucked her up in bed that night, I kissed her, squeezed her hard then went into my own bedroom and sobbed.
I sobbed and sobbed. Uncontrollably.
I want to stall time. It’s going way too fast and I can’t stop it. I don’t want her to grow up and I don’t want things to change.
I love her so much. I love the way she is right now and even though I know there’ll be lots of fun ahead…. I’m not ready for that.
I was thinking about the school run. We’ve always gone together. Me, her and the twins. All three of them have always worn the same uniform and they’ve always been together. Not any more.
The last time all together in school uniform! (*sobs again!)
In September, my twins won’t have their big sister with them when we leave for school. We will go without her. She will walk to her new school.
After school when the twins come out first, we won’t walk across to her classroom to wait for her. She won’t be there.
Everything will change and I don’t want it to.
I know I should embrace it and I will of course. I’ll have to.
But it all makes me so sad.
Time is passing way to fast. In the blink of an eye my children will be all grown up and it’s hard to accept.
This summer I want to spend every second with my beautiful Girl and breathe in her young loveliness while it’s still there.
Then in September, I will watch with pride as she puts on her new uniform, ready for the next new chapter in her life.